Twisted Love
by Rory McDougal
Summary: When Road Camelot gets bored with her homework she decides to mess with the exorcists' love lives.  Love, fights, and a great feast ensue.   rated T just to be safe
1. Road Bored

Road Camelot's face glowed orange in the candlelight she used to finish her homework. A labored sigh escaped her lips as she lay down her chewed up pencil. She readjusted her striped tights and let her head fall onto the hardwood table. "What's wrong, my little angel? " The deep, comforting voice of the Millennium Earl asked her. She turned her head over to look at him; a small smile spread across her face.

"She's just bored." Remarked Tyki Myiki from his reading chair in the corner of the room. He did not look up from his newspaper as he continued. "Her teacher assigned her to finish reading some sort of Shakespeare play."

"Yeah!" Interrupted Road, "'-" The Earl placed a finger to her lips.

"Slow down my dearest. I cannot understand you. " He grinned at her. "I love Shakespeare and have read his completed works. Tell me about this play and we'll see if we can't make it fun. "

"Well," Road began as she jumped up into his lap, "it was called _A Midsummer Night's Dream_."

"_A Midsummer Night's Dream_! " The Earl cried as he jumped out of his chair, sending Road flying across the room. "I adore that play! Oh, Road, we can have _so_ much fun with this. Do you remember all of the craziness that ensues after the fairies mix up the love potions? "

"Yes…" She answered suspiciously. The Earl grinned at her and waited for the pieces to click in her head. Tykii puffed on his cigarette and folded the newspaper over to witness the bizarre spectacle taking place before him.

"I don't think she has any idea what you're trying to hint, your Earl-ness. I know for a fact that _I_ don't."

"That's because you're an idiot." Laughed Road. He rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at her. "Please Earl, tell me what you're thinking. My brain is too tired to figure it out."

"Well, let's pretend that we're the fairies and the exorcists are the humans. " He grinned even wider. The other two stared at him in surprise for a few minutes, before Road, too, began smiling.

"Yes!" She exclaimed. "What a brilliant idea! Just think of all of the chaos that would be created if we made them all fall in love with each other." She ran to the Earl's arms and they began to dance in a circle. Tykii jumped out of his chair.

"Wait, wait, wait… let me get this straight. You want to_ help_ the romance lives of the very people that we've been trying to kill?" The dancers nodded at him. "What? Are you crazy?"

"A little. "

"I don't understand this at all."

"C'mon, Tykii. It'll be fun just to mess around with their heads for a little while." Road pleaded. "Loosen up. Think of it as taking a little break from your usual job."

"This? A break from my job?" The Earl smiled at him.

"Sometimes even the Millennium Earl and the Noah need a - "


	2. Exorcists on Vacation

"VACATION!" Screamed the Black Order leader Komui Lee. "I think that after all of the hardships we've been facing over the past few weeks, we all deserve a relaxing vacation."

"And camping is your idea of a relaxing vacation?" Grumbled Kanda after nailing in the last stake of his tent. "Sleeping on the cold ground, hunting for our food, fighting off the wildlife… these are not things that qualify as a relaxing vacation!"

"What?" Teased Alan. "Is big, brave Kanda afraid to sleep in the wild for three measly nights?" Kanda threw his hammer at Alan who jumped out of the way just in time.

"You want to die, Bean Stalk?"

"Bring it on!" Cried Alan as they assumed fighting positions.

"Hey, hey, hey! Break it up!" Scolded Reever as he pulled the two apart. "We are here to relax and enjoy our time together."

"Well maybe you should have thought of that before you brought _him_ here." Mumbled Kanda. Reever pulled his ear.

"You go into your tent and stay there until you're ready to apologize to Alan."

"Ow! You can't be serious!"

"Get in there." Reever did not budge as he pointed to Kanda's tent. He had no choice but to oblige. "As for you Alan, you go sit on that rock until you're ready to apologize to Kanda." Alan stared at him in surprise.

"But-"

"No 'buts.' Now move it." He ordered. Alan hung his head and slumped over to his designated seat. Reever walked back to the center of camp where Lavi, Krory, Miranda, Linalee, and Komui were preparing dinner.

"Are they okay?" Whispered Miranda. Reever chuckled.

"Yeah, they'll be alright."

"They're just both so stubborn." Grinned Lavi. "They don't realize what a great force they would be if they could simply get along."

"They _would_ be amazing." Agreed Linalee. Komui ran over and embraced her.

"What a smart girl you are! My dearest sister has made a brilliant observation!" Linalee squirmed in his grasp in a vain attempt to escape.

"But I didn't even think of anything. I was simply remarking on what Lavi said. It's him you should be hugging." Komui turned his gaze to the one eyed boy. His eyes glazed over and Lavi knew there was almost no chance for escape. He began to back away and wave his hands in earnest protest as Komui moved towards him.

"Nononononononononononononono. Linalee is being too generous. I promise that I had nothing to do with this conversation. Oh nononononono. Nope! No hugs needed here." Komui stopped in his tracks. He turned back to Linalee with tears in his eyes. She backed away.

"Reever," she whispered urgently, "help me." Komui lunged for her, but Reever intercepted him. Holding him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, Reever carried him to his tent and zipped him in.

"I feel like a babysitter." He groaned. Everyone laughed.

"Well," said Krory. "It doesn't look like Alan and Kanda will be making up anytime soon. We might as well get started eating without them."


	3. Tyki Alone

"Why did_ I_ get picked for this job?" Moaned Tykii as he trampled through the forest around the exorcist's campsite. "Oh that's right! '_Because you don't have enough fun, Master Tykii. ' _Stupid Earl. I don't need to have more fun. Especially not like this! It's so stupid. I mean really… _LOVE POTIONS_? And what the heck kind of way is that to break the affects of the potion? '_The only way to end the silliness of the potion is to come have dinner with us. ' _WHAT? What kind of bad guy _are_ you Millennium Earl? Eating dinner at _your_ house? With all of _us_? For real?" He stopped speaking as he approached the first tent. "Well if the Earl and Road think I'm going to do a good job of this, then they have another thing coming. I'll put these ridiculous curses on them, but just see if I don't mess it up a little bit." He poured a potion over the first tent. "Whomever may reside in this tent shall become obsessed with Alan Walker until they have dinner with the Millennium Earl at his castle."

In this fashion, Tykii Myiki continued around the entire campsite, changing the names of the exorcist whom each person would be obsessed with and even adding a few twists and surprises here and there. When at last, every person had been placed under a spell, Tykii left. He realized, just as he passed out of the campsite, that he had indeed had some fun doing this job. "Darn it!" He cried. "I hate that you know me so well, you stupid earl!"


	4. And So It Begins

The sun shone brightly on the little campsite as the exorcists woke up one by one. Alan sat up as the smell of bacon and eggs reached his nostrils. "Oh…" he moaned. "That smells so nice." His stomach growled angrily at him since he had been forced to go to bed without any food. "Please stop patronizing me, stomach. I promise that we'll get some good grub this morning. It smells like someone's already been cooking away this…" His mouth fell open in shock as he realized that it was Komui who was producing the wonderfully aromatic food. "K-k-komui? I didn't know you could cook!"

"OH, goooooooood morning my dearest Allan!" Allan jumped back in surprise.

"W-why are you talking like that?"

"Like what?" He replied. Allen shook his head.

"Never mind, maybe you're just in one of you're weird moods. Have you seen Reever?"

"Reever?"

"Good morning darling!" Allen turned around to see Reever walking towards Komui and embracing him in a good-morning hug.

"WHAT-THE-WHAT?" He ran to Krory's tent. "Krory wake up! I need help! Reever and Komui have gone completely mad!" Krory came out of his tent immediately.

"What are you talking about?" He looked at the place where Allen's finger was pointing. Reever and Komui were gazing lovingly into each other's eyes and giggling.

"I think I'm going to vomit!" He screamed.

"Hold it in. I need you right now, man!" Allen broke into a sweat. "What should we do?"

"Are you okay, Allen? I heard you shouting." Allen turned and met Miranda's worried glance. Krory turned bright red at the sight of her and burst into tears. Miranda reached for him but he quickly ran off into the forest. "What? What's wrong with Krory?"

"Did someone just say Krory?" Lavi joined Allen and Miranda.

"Yeah, I came over here for some help, but he saw Miranda and took off running." Allen explained. "I don't know what the heck is going on today, but everyone is all messed up!" Lavi did not seem to be listening, though. Instead, he was glaring ferociously at Miranda with his one eye. A tear suddenly burst forth from it.

"I can't believe you made him cry! You bully! Have some heart!" He took off running into the woods in the same direction as Krory. "Krorykins? Where are you? Let me help you! You don't have to go through this alone! Krorykins!"

Allen and Miranda stood dumbfounded as they watched Lavi run into the forest. "What is all of this about?" Asked Miranda. Allen scratched his temple.

"I have no idea. I woke up this morning and I saw that!" He pointed towards the cuddling Komui and Reever. Miranda perked up at the sight.

"Allen… have you ever noticed how handsome Reever is?" Allen stared at her.

"Please don't tell me you're crazy, too?" She ignored him and stood up. "Miranda?" She straightened up her hair and unbuttoned her jacket a little bit. Allen gasped. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to go tell him how I feel about him." She set off towards Reever. Allen gasped as she threw Komui off of his lap and sat down where he had been sitting.

"This is completely out of your character!" He screamed at her.

"Allen?" It was Linalee. A very strange feeling suddenly overtook Allen. He could not stop himself as his chest puffed out and he assumed a heroic stance. "Allen, are you okay? I heard you screaming."

"My lady." He said. "Your presence before me has made me feel better. It is true that I was frightened by the strange goings on in this campsite, but your beauty has given me a new confidence."

"Allen, I don't know what you're talking about. Where is everyone else?" Allen looked around, but everyone was gone.

"Perhaps they have gone into the forest to work out these strange happenings. Don't worry, though," he pulled Linalee into his arms, "I will protect you." Linalee struggled against his hold. "There's no need to fight it my princess, my love for you gives me god-like strength. I will never let you go."

"Allen! You're acting so strange! Let go of me this instant!" But Allen only held her tighter.

"Never." He whispered, but before he knew what was happening, Linalee was ripped from his grasp. "What?"

"Allen, what were you doing?" Kanda asked as he held Allen in an embrace. "Why were you doing that to Linalee? Why were you doing that to _me_?" A sob escaped his lips. "I'm in love with you Allen…"

Deep in the woods, Lavi finally found Krory crying against a tree. "Krorykins? Are you alright?"

"I don't know." Replied Krory. "I was not prepared for that kind of beauty."

"Oh, Krorykins…" Lavi cooed as he rubbed the vampire's back.

"I just, I just… Have you ever had that kind of a feeling? The kind of feeling where your heart is trying to rip itself out of your chest and give itself to someone else? It hurts so bad, Lavi!" He began to cry again. Lavi rocked him back and forth.

"I know that feeling Krorykins. I do. I have that feeling every time I see you." Krory gasped. Lavi blushed. "Those are my true feelings, you silly vampire." He looked at the ground and smiled. "My heart beats fast every time I see you. Every minute I get to be near you is a blessing to me. I hope that someday you can return my affections…" Lavi looked up, but Krory was gone. "Krorykins? Krorykins! Don't leave me!"


	5. Couple's Quarrel

"Listen, woman! I already have a wife!" Reever pleaded as he tried to peel Miranda off of him. "Please, I must insist that you pull yourself together and let go of me. My wife is quite distraught and I really must go comfort her." He brushed Miranda off of his arm and she fell pouting onto the ground. "Honey?" Asked Reever as he approached Komui. "Honey, are you doing alright?"

"No!" Komui spun around so that he could not see Reever.

"Komui? Sweetheart?"

"Nicknames aren't going to save you from this one, mister!" Reever caught up to Komui and wrapped his arms around him to keep him from running away.

"Darling, I promise that I have had nothing to do with this woman except that we both work for the black order." Komui turned to gaze up into Reever's gentle and loving eyes.

"But…"

"Shh…" Reever silenced him. "You are the only woman that I could every love. You are kind, loving, and sincere. How could I ever cheat on you?" Komui sobbed into Reever's chest.

"Oh, you're right. I've been an idiot. I know that you love me. I'm soooooo sorry, honey! Please forgive me!" Reever rocked Komui from side to side.

"It's okay, darling. Let's go home and feed our family."

"Yes," Komui agreed as he wiped a tear from his eye. "Yes, let's go home. The kids are probably worried about us." He grasped Reever's hand and they happily walked back into the campgrounds.


	6. One Big Family

Everyone returned from the forest back into the campsite at the same time and were all greeted by the sight of Kanda hugging Allen. The shock was so great that no one could speak for several seconds. Komui was the first to break the silence. "Bad dog!" He cried as he splashed water in Kanda's face. "You bad boy! You don't do that to Allen! I didn't train you to do that." Kanda stared blankly at Komui and Allen was pretty sure that if the shock of what had just happened was not so strong, Kanda would most certainly have killed their boss. "Allen, sweetheart, if the dog does that again, you must kick him in the ribs. Dogs are not allowed to jump on their masters like that." He pointed at Kanda again. "Stay!"

"Linalee, Allen, come here and give your papa a hug!" Reever held his arms open and grinned at them.

"Just do what he says, and maybe we'll get through this." Whispered Linalee as she walked towards her 'father.'

"Whatever you say, princess." Replied Allen and he strutted over to the crazy section leader. Reever scooped them up and spun them around in a happy embrace.

"What a beautiful family." Miranda remarked sarcastically as she watched Reever spin his children around. She sighed and Komui shot her a dirty look. Timidly, Krory walked over towards her.

"Umm… Miranda?"

"Oh, Krory. Are you feeling better? I was very worried about you." She whispered in her normal shy voice. "But I was not worried about Komui over there. You man-stealer!" She screamed. "Anyways, what is it Krory?" She asked, returning to her usual self. Krory was slightly taken aback by her mood swings, but it did not deter him from his mission.

"Miss Miranda, I know that I can never compare to Mr. Reever, but I love you and I could care for you more than he ever could." Miranda blushed at this.

"Krory, I…" But as soon as Reever entered her sight again, she stood straight up and pushed the hair out of her eyes. "I love only one man, you fool, and it's not you. You will never be half the man that Reever is. Mark my words, Reever will be mine by the end of this trip." She stormed off, leaving Krory crushed. Reever saw how sad he looked and set his very dizzy children down.

"Linalee, Uncle Krory looks very sad, you better go comfort him."

"Uncle Krory?" Allen and Linalee cried simultaneously.

"Yes, and look how sad he his. Go over there and cheer him up." He pushed Linalee towards the vampire. Allen tried to follow her, but Komui scooped him up.

"You can come and help me cook some lunch. You must be so hungry, you didn't have any breakfast. A growing boy needs to eat you know." Allen moaned.

"I think I lost my appetite."


	7. Amusement

"Just look at these silly exorcists. I told you this would be fun, didn't I? " Laughed the Millennium Earl from his treetop perch. Road giggled too.

"You _were_ right. Look at them. Though it would have been way more fun if they were all obsessed with the same person… Tykii…" He looked up at Road from his lower branch.

"I told you I didn't want any part of this, but since you insisted, I decided to make it my own."

"Well you certainly did that." Road giggled. "It is still amusing." She watched the chaos for a few minutes. "You did give them the message about dinner at our house, right?"

"Of course, whether they remember or not is their own problem."

"Let's remind them tomorrow," Road suggested. "I'm really looking forward to having company over." The Earl laughed.

"Yes… tomorrow… Come, let's away! "


	8. Love Hurts

Everyone sat quietly around the fire as they ate dinner. Krory stared longingly at Miranda, who watched Reever, who was spoon-feeding Komui, who could care less about anyone else, except for Allen whom was staring at Linalee, who was disturbed by the fact that Kanda was tied up to a tree away from everyone else. "It's okay, dear." Reassured Komui. "It's bad manners for a dog to beg for food, so if he stays away it's better for everyone." He glanced at Allen. "Plus I'm a little worried about how obsessed he's been with your brother."

"Yes," added Reever. "If it gets much worse, we're going to have to send him to the pound." Linalee sent a worried glance to the boy tied to the tree, but his eyes were locked on Allen's back.

"I suppose it is a little upsetting." She said. "But I've seen much more disturbing things." She mumbled this as she watched Komui tickle Reever.

"There you are!" A voice called. Everyone turned around to see Lavi coming out of the forest. He was covered from head to toe in mud and leaves. He pointed an angry finger at Krory. "You left me in the forest. You left me alone."

"Please excuse me." Krory said as he stood up and went to his tent. "Thank you for the meal… uh… Mrs. Komui." He zipped the door to his tent and did not seem like he would come back out for the remainder of the evening. Miranda was upset at his disappearance and left for her own tent. Lavi was devastated by being outright ignored and slumped against a far tree. Linalee stood up and walked over to him. Allen stood up, too, but as he approached, Kanda grabbed him by the leg and held him back.

"Lavi, are you all right?" Linalee asked gently. He looked at the ground. She brushed some of the leaves off of his face, revealing streaks on his face where tears had run. "Oh, Lavi." She whispered. He met her gaze.

"I think I've made a terrible mistake." He said. "I told someone that I loved them, and now I think I have lost a terrible friend." He choked back a sob. "I feel awful right now, Linalee. I don't even know why I suddenly had the urge to say it. I never thought that I loved them until today." Linalee nodded her head.

"I feel the same way Lavi." She brushed some of muddy hair away from his eye. He began to blush a little bit, but she did not stop. Her hands moved from his hair to his face.

"Linalee…" He whispered, but she silenced him with her finger.

"I love you, Lavi…" She held his face in her hand and then kissed him on the mouth.

"**NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!**" Screamed Allen as he struggled against Kanda. "Linalee, NO! Kanda, she's kissing him! I have to stop her! I have to! Please, let go of me, you impudent fool! This whole thing is sooooo weird! I have to stop her!" Kanda held his leg with all of his might.

"Allen! What about me? Don't you have any feelings for me at all? Can you never love me back?"

"Are you insane? Have you forgotten who you are? We hate each other!"

"I could never hate you, Allen. I love you with my whole heart."

Suddenly, Lavi grabbed Linalee's waist and pulled her in closer and began to kiss her back. Allen screamed like a dying animal, and Kanda did his best to restrain him. "Dear," said Komui, "I think Allen needs help with the dog." Reever ran over and scooped Allen into his arms. Kanda tried to take him back, but Allen was already being dragged away by the unusually strong Reever.

"Allen, son, what's the matter?"

"The matter? The matter? I'll tell you what the matter is! You precious 'daughter' is over there snogging my arch rival, Lavi!" Reever stared at him with a strange expression.

"Do you like Linalee?"

"Of course I do, you dolt! She is my true love, my heart's desire, my only reason to live!" Reever was very disturbed by this sentiment.

"Well, I am a bit upset that she has decided to be with Lavi, especially since he _is _her cousin, but I much prefer him to you. You're her _brother_. I think that you are a highly disturbed individual, and we should get you some help as soon as possible." Allen began to laugh hysterically.

"Me, crazy? You're the one having an affair with two women, one of whom isn't even a woman and is- in fact- your boss!"

"I am _not_ having an affair with Miranda! And as for your mother and I, we are very much in love and it doesn't matter what our positions at work are!" He put Allen in his tent and zipped it up. "I don't want to hear another peep out of you until tomorrow. Do you understand?"

Allen sat quietly in his tent, trying to gain control of his emotions. He felt better with Linalee out of his line of vision. He was very confused by this, but it didn't keep him awake for very long. He was so emotionally drained that he fell asleep in no time.


	9. Lenalee and Lavi

Linalee and Lavi slowed their kissing down, and finally pulled their faces away. Lavi stared at her for a long time. "You are so beautiful," he whispered. She blushed at this.

"Lavi…" He silenced her with another kiss.

"I don't know what's going on today." He said. "Every time I see Krorykins, I go crazy. I haven't always been this way, have I?" Linalee shook her head. "I don't know what to do. It's even weirder because I feel fine when I can't see him, but as soon as he is in my line of vision, BAM! I'm in love with him." Linalee wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Forget about him, Lavi."

"Believe me, I'm trying. This is definitely not my proudest day." He pulled a strand of hair away from her face. "I can tell you this, though…" He sat up straight and pulled Linalee even closer to him so that his lips just brushed hers. "I do like you. I know that this is true, because I've had feelings for you for a very long time. Linalee, I don't know how I'm going to react tomorrow when I see Krorykins, but just know that that is not the real me. I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to try to figure it out."

"You would be my hero if you could do that, Lavi." She kissed him again, then he stood up and went to bed. Linalee returned to her tent as well.

"Those two are a beautiful couple, are they not?" Asked Komui.

"They certainly are my dear." Reever stood up and yawned. "Well, darling, I think that I'm off to bed."

"Oh, yes. It is beddie-by time isn't it?" Komui stood up too. "Well, I'll see you in the morning darling."

"Love you, sweat-pea!"

"I love you too, pudding!"

Kanda waited to be untied from his tree, but everyone had gone to sleep and forgotten him. "Is anyone going to untie me? Stupid Komui! Allen, you despicable Bean Stalk! Someone come out here and untie me! Oh forget it!" The poor exorcist was forced to curl up in a ball and fight off the chill of the night like the dog he was believed to be.


	10. Reminder

"Good morning, exorcists! " The Earl greeted the sleeping exorcist. They jumped up immediately which sent the jolly mastermind into a fit of giggles. "No, no. " He scolded as he heard the tent zippers being undone. "Perhaps you have not figured out the reason for your silly behavior. " The exorcists stopped what they were doing.

"What have you done to us?" Shouted Komui from inside of his tent. "Explain yourself!"

"We just had a bit of fun, that's all. "

"We?" Reever questioned.

"There's three of them: the Earl, the Camelot girl, and that Tykii fellow."

"Is that you, Kanda?" Asked Lavi.

"Of course it is, you fool!"

"What are you doing outside?" Inquired Lenalee.

"Well, _some people_ forgot to UNCHAIN me from this tree, and so I had to spend the night laying out here like a dog!" Road fell to the ground laughing. "Shut up!" Shouted Kanda.

"Oh, boy. I wish you other exorcists could see his face right now. It's precious. Really!" She continued to laugh. "Oh, man. This was really the best idea ever, Earl. I mean… haha… they literally chained him to a tree!" The Earl giggled along with the girl. The exorcists became frustrated.

"Tell us what you did!" Allen demanded. Tykii casually strolled over to his tent and stared at it for a minute.

"Relax, Allen Walker. We simply played a small trick on you. Nothing harmful, really…"

"I'll show you harmful!" Kanda lunged for the tall Noah member, but was held back by his tether. This sent Road into another fit of laughter.

"As I was saying," droned Tykii. "I snuck in here last night, at the bidding of my… master, and cursed you all to fall in love with different people. The curse only works when you actually see the other person."

"That would explain why I wasn't so weird feeling when I went to bed last night." Chimed Miranda."

"Exactomundo!" Cheered Road. "You guys are a lot smarter than we give you credit for." She skipped over to Allen's tent and poked him through the lining. "Hi, Allen…" She giggled flirtatiously. Allen blushed and tried to ignore her.

"Well, now that you've had your fun, take this stupid curse off of us!" Called Lavi from a tent a few feet away.

"Aahhh…" Cooed Road. "Therein lies the catch."

"What catch?" Grumbled Kanda.

"To break the curse, you must all have supper at my house! " There was a long silence following these words.

"Well, that's stupid." Kanda spat. Tykii rolled his eyes.

"That's what I said, believe me, but try convincing these two, will ya?" He motioned to the Earl and the giggling girl. The exorcists said nothing as they tried to process what had just happened. The Earl clapped his hands together.

"Well, my dears, I will leave you to make up your minds on what to do. With you, I will leave a small scroll that will act as a transport to my mansion, should you decide to come. Be sure to remember your handicaps, they will not be removed from you until we have begun eating. The food is the antidote. You may choose not to come. However, if you do not break the curse by midnight tonight, I will make it a permanent fixture. "

"Oh… please, no." Gasped Kanda.

"Until then, darlings! " With that, the Earl, Tykii, and Road disappeared from the campsite.

"What are we going to do?" Asked Lenalee.

"Well, we're just going to have to go have dinner with the Earl." Declared Lavi.

"WHAT?" Everyone screamed in unison.

"I'm not kidding. Unless you want to stay like this for the rest of forever, we're going to have to follow his wishes."

"Are you stupid, it's definitely a trap." Allen shouted. "We'd be opening ourselves up for an attack if we waltzed willingly into his mansion."

"I hate to admit it, but the Bean Stalk's right." Agreed Kanda from his tree. "The Earl would most certainly kill us all."

"So you all just want to live like this for the rest of forever?" Accused Lavi.

"YES!" Came the unison reply.

"Fine then, we'll try it your way. But don't blame me if you get emotionally scarred for life…"


	11. This is Complicated

"Let me go, you intolerable leech!" Cried Allen as he tried to fight his way over to where Lenalee was busy making out with a crying Lavi, who was desperately trying to escape. Between kisses, the exorcists could hear him screaming Krory's name and trying to tell Lenalee that he never liked her in that way. She was too focused on her work to notice what he was saying.

Meanwhile, Miranda was trying very hard to take Reever's attention away from Komui, who was shouting at Reever for being a cheater. Reever did his best to apologize, but Komui would hear nothing of it. Krory was standing next to Miranda hoping to get her attention, but she simply shoved him out of the way. He slumped down onto the ground and let a sob escape his lips. When Lavi saw this, he called out to him, but Krory simply waved him off and pouted over to his tent where, he zipped himself in. Upon entering his private room, Krory immediately felt calm.

"Hey everyone, listen to me. Get into your tents!" He called, but the chaos in the outside world was too much for his meek voice. He tried again, but to no avail. He took a deep breath and tried one last time. "GET INTO YOUR TENTS NOW!" Everything went silent and then the sound of zippers could be heard. A collective sigh followed.

"Oh my gosh…" Moaned Allen. "What on earth just happened?"

"We tried it your way." Sneered Lavi. "See what happened?" No one said anything. "We can't live like this, you guys. We simply can't." Again, no one spoke, but they all knew what he said was the truth.

"Lavi's right." Chimed Komui. "I like Reever and all, but he's just not man enough for me."

"Are you kidding? I'm more of a man than-" He stopped. "What am I saying? We have to end this."

"So what are we going to do?" Asked Miranda.

"Well," thought Allen, "we should elect two representatives to go out and check out the scroll. Then we'll have to figure it out from there so that we don't… you know…"

"Go crazy when we see each other?" Suggested Kanda.

"Exactly." Said Allen. "Now, who can we send out there?"

"How about Lavi and Krory?" Said Komui.

"Are you nuts? Lavi is totally head-over-heels in love with Krory. We can't let those two out there!"

"I do not love Krorykins!" Shouted Lavi. "No offense, it's just the curse."

"None taken." Said Krory.

"Right," thought Allen. "Who can we REALLY send?"

"How about Miranda and Allen?" Lenalee suggested. "They have no kind of curse between the two of them.

"Sounds great Lenalee!" Allen praised. "Miranda, let's go." The two exorcists unzipped their tents and met each other in the middle of the campsite. "Are we okay?"

"I think so," Miranda mumbled. "I don't feel weird."

"Great, now let's find that scroll." They searched for a small while before they found the black piece of parchment laying in one of their cooking pots. They poked it with a stick and it fell open. Golden words suddenly appeared on the paper. Allen leaned in close to it.

"Be careful, Allen." Miranda whispered.

"Don't worry." Allen soothed. "I'm just trying to read what it says." As he leaned in a little bit closer, Allen lost his balance and accidentally set is hand down on the paper. Before he could even react, Allen disappeared. Miranda screamed.

"ALLEN!" The sound of six tent zippers suddenly sounded behind Miranda, she spun around and greeted the mass of worried glances. "Get back into your tents before…"


	12. Allen and Road

Allen landed on something very soft and warm. He tried to jump off, but two wiry arms wrapped themselves around him. "oooOOOHHHhhh!" Squealed Road. "Allen Walker just landed in my lap! I could almost die of happiness!"

"I wish that you would." Muttered Allen as he squirmed in her embrace.

"Don't say such nasty things, you naughty boy." She scolded. "Oh, I knew that you would come back to me." She leaned in so close that her lips nearly touched his. "You can't hide from true-love." Allen tried to stop his heart and kill himself before he had to endure anymore of Road's love, but she quickly stood up and dragged him to her room. "We're going to have so much fun together!" She laughed. "Let's play dress up and tea party, and tease Tykii, and…" She gasped. "Let's get married!"

"What?" Choked Allen.

"Yes. Together forever." Whispered Road. She looked at him and he stared blankly back at her. "I knew you would love it! I mean, who wouldn't…"

"Who wouldn't what, my little angel? " The Earl questioned her suspiciously. He eyed Allen up and down.

"We're getting married!" Squealed the girl. The Earl picked Allen up y the scruff of his neck.

"What exactly are your intentions with my little pumpkin? " Allen squirmed.

"I have none." He choked.

"Earl… You're killing my husband!" Road tugged on Allen's legs. "Give him back to me!" The Earl let go.

"Have fun my children. I shall prepare everything for your wedding! Hopefully your friends will make it here in time! " Allen gulped.

"Come on my dearest-darlingest Allen Walker! Let's get you ready to be the perfect husband!"

"I can't wait." He moaned and was yanked off in the direction of his new destiny.


	13. Now What

The exorcists gathered around the spot where Allen was swallowed by the Earl's magic. Lenalee held onto Lavi, who was gripping onto Krory, who was latched onto Miranda, who clasped Reever's hand, who was comforting Komui, who was crying into his shoulder. "What are we going to do?" He sobbed. "Our little Allen-Wallen has been kidnapped! He's not tall enough to handle this scary of a situation!"

"What the heck does that even mean?" Snorted Kanda. "Height's got nothing to do with courage."

"Shut up, you stupid dog! You don't understand Allen!" Komui shouted.

"Pathetic." He grunted. He walked toward the note; the gold letters glistened on the paper:

_No battles lost,_

_No battles won,_

_We are only_

_Here for fun._

_To each of you,_

_A loving spell,_

_To give you each_

_A little hell._

_To end this fun,_

_To stop this game_

_Dine with us,_

_Or stay the same._

_A leap of faith,_

_teamwork and trust,_

_are the only antidotes_

_for this lust._

_So join us here,_

_Please come now,_

_Just lean in close,_

_I'll show you how…_

"It looks like we have no choice." Kanda declared. "We're going to have to go after that Bean Sprout if we ever want to get him back." He turned around and looked at the sad bunch of exorcists behind him. "Alright listen up!"

"Oh my gosh! The dog can talk!"

"Shut up, Komui!" Kanda barked. "Listen, the Earl's got Allen and is waiting for us to come and get him. Now, it might be a trap, and well, it probably is a trap, but we have to go in there anyway."

"How though?" Questioned Miranda. "How am I ever expected to go anywhere with this man-stealer?" She tightened her grip on Reever. "It's either me, or him. You need to decide Reever."

"I will always be loyal to my wife." Reever declared.

"That's not important." Kanda scolded. "We need to get to the Earl's mansion. Miranda stop sticking your tongue out at Komui and explain how Allen disappeared in the first place."

"Well, we walked over to that note. He tripped and touched it and then suddenly… POP! He was gone!" The exorcist started at her incredulously.

"He disappeared after touching the note?" Lavi asked.

"Correct."

"The Earl did say that he made it a way of transportation to his house." Lenalee added. Lavi turned to look at her.

"I guess that's…" but she pressed her mouth up against his to silence him. Kanda rolled his eyes.

"So what we need to do is somehow transport all of us to where the stupid Bean-Sprout is and eat the food and then leave… all the while trying to function with these curses on us."

"Yep." Lavi sang.

"Right… Look, I'm going to grab Komui and then the paper, so everyone hang onto each other."

"Roger that!" Lenalee confirmed.

"And once we get there, who knows what might happen. I will most likely go crazy again when I see the gray-headed one's face, so after that we will need to hang onto whatever sanity we have left…" He looked over at Komui who was nibbling Reever's ear. "Or at least pretend that we even had sanity to begin with." He grabbed Komui's arm and lead the train of people to the spot of Allen's disappearance. "Alright, hang on!"


	14. Guests of Honor

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! Six exorcists suddenly found themselves sitting in tall wooden chairs around a large dining table. "Where are we?" Asked Lenalee. "Is this the Earl's mansion?"

"It must be. Where else could that note have taken us?" Lavi commented as he took in his surroundings. The room was imposing and seemed to lean slightly to one side. The walls were decorated in large black bows and black candles ran across the center of the table. "Looks like there's some kind of funeral, huh guys?" Lavi joked; no one laughed.

"So what do we do now, Kanda?" Krory asked. There was no answer. "Kanda? Where's Kanda?"

"Those stupid exorcists left me chained to this tree!" Kanda screamed as he bit and tore at the rope that bound him the campsite. "I'm gonna KILL Komui when I see him next! YOU JUST WAIT KOMUI!"

"Oh!" Komui shivered. "I suddenly feel that my life is being cut short." Reever leaned towards Komui.

"Don't worry, honey, I will make sure that you live the longest, happiest life that you can."

"You're going to make me vomit." Whined Miranda. "Just give it up, Komui."

"No! You give it up, you…" Komui was cut short as giant metal clamps slammed down over all of their wrists, attaching them to the chairs they were in.

"Tsk-tsk." The Earl's voice drifted down onto them. "You really oughtn't quarrel that way, my dears."

"Show yourself, you coward!" The Earl stepped out of the shadows at Lavi's command. He seemed larger than normal and even happier than normal. He was wearing a freshly pressed tuxedo and top hat with a black bow attached. The exorcists shivered.

"Who's the funeral for?" Lavi teased, trying his best to sound brave. The Earl grinned.

"Oh, it's not a funeral my little ones." The exorcists looked confused. "Hehe. You are so precious! No, it is not a funeral, but a wedding!"

"Can't you tell by the _cheerful_ decorations?" Droned Tykii as he, too, appeared out of the shadows. "I dare say the color scheme doesn't do much to make for a happy mood."

"Where's Allen?" Cried Lenalee. "What did you do with him?"

"Bite your tongue!"

"Tykii, be nice to our guests." The Earl chided. He danced over to Lenalee and stroked her hair.

"Don't touch her!" Lavi, Reever, and Komui screamed at once. The Earl laughed.

"Relax my little exorcists, I'm not going to harm this girl. I told you already that today is a special day. We are not trying to kill or hurt you in any way. We're just having a bit of fun. Isn't that right, Tykii?"

"Whatever you say, boss."

"Now then," the Earl turned his attention back to Lenalee. "Don't you worry a thing about your little friend Allen. He is perfectly fine and in fact…" The Earl looked at his pocket watch. "I believe that you will be reunited with him in just a few seconds. Smile my darlings! Today we become family!"

"What?" The exorcists cried, but they were cut short as Allen suddenly appeared in a spotlight on the other side of the room. He was wearing a tux much like the Earl's and even had his own top hat. There were chains around his wrists and ankles so that he could not escape. When he looked up at his friends, he was embarrassed and seemed almost lifeless.

"Allen!" Lenalee called. When he saw her sitting there he became braver, but quickly lost his courage and just hung his head.

"Hey guys." He mumbled. "Please try to forget what you are about to witness."

"What do you mean?" Asked Miranda. Suddenly another spotlight turned on from the other side of the room. Everyone turned to look. Road stood in the spotlight, dressed in a long black gown and veil.

"Get excited everyone, 'cause we're getting married!"


	15. Tying the Knot

The exorcists gasped in horror. "You're not…" whispered Lenalee.

"You'd better believe it, sister. Hit it Earl!" Road commanded. The Earl obediently sat down at an organ that seemed to appear out of thin air and began to play. Road marched slowly down the aisle. When she came to the long table she lightly sprang upon it and continued her slow promenade. The exorcists felt sick in their stomach and were even more disturbed by the fact that Road was quite a beautiful bride. At long last, the girl reached her future husband and the Earl began the ceremony.

"We are gathered here today to witness the union of these two young people."

"Please don't do this!" Cried Lenalee. Allen looked at her pathetically and turned to his future wife.

"It's okay, Lenalee." He whimpered. "No matter who I marry, I will always love you." The room grew deathly silent as his words sank on the crowd. The exorcists turned to Komui.

"Did you just say what I think you said?" His eyes contained a look of pure evil. Hate seeped from every pore in his body. "Choose your words wisely, for they may be your last." The Earl giggled with delight and sniffed the air.

"Delicious! I absolutely adore the aroma of uncontrolled loathing!"

"I love her like, uh, a... sister?" Alan choked. Road stamped her foot impatiently.

"Come on, Earl-ie! It's my wedding and you're taking to long marrying us. Just skip to the vows."

"Alright my precious." The Earl smiled. He loved her quick temper and vivaciousness. "Let's begin. Allen Walker, do you take Road Camelot to be your loving wife for all eternity till death, or some other means of untimely death, do you part?" Allen sighed.

"I do."

"And do you, Road Camelot take Allen Walker to be your loving husband for all eternity till death do you part?"

"I…" Suddenly a body fell from the sky and crushed Road beneath it.

"That's odd," remarked the Earl. "I thought I had that leak fixed… Tykii, go repair the roof."

"But sir!"

"Now." Tykii slumped out of the room.

"Get off of me!" Cried Road. Kanda jumped off of her body and faced Komui.

"You stupid half-wit!" He fumed. "You left me there, chained to a tree! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna…" He stopped when he realized that Komui was not paying any heed to him, but was busy watching the platform that he was standing on. Kanda looked to his left. Allen stood meekly before him. Kanda sized him up: noting the hat, the tux, and the girl in a wedding dress lying on the floor…

"You're getting married?" He screamed. "You can't marry her! You have to marry me!" He lunged at Allen.

"No, please! Today is bad enough alre…" But he was silenced with Kanda's kiss. The exorcists at the table could not believe their eyes. After everything that had happened to them so far, this was by far the craziest.

"Hey, bud! That's _my_ husband!" Road screamed and smacked him over the head with a candlestick holder. Kanda fell hard onto the stone floor. Allen was holding his breath trying to kill himself. "Come on darling, don't be like that." She smiled. "I do." She whispered and Allen could felt his soul leave him.

"That's it!" Cried the Earl. "You are officially married!" He clapped loudly and the exorcists gave a meek cheer after a menacing glance from their host. "You may now kiss the bride!" Road passionately kissed Allen, who only half kissed her back. "I'll go get the food!" The Earl cheered.

"Here, dearest," Road whispered as she placed a ring on his left ring finger. It swelled and then fit itself perfectly to his finger. "It's a special ring that will never come off. That way, you will always remember to whom you must be loyal. And so all the other girls," she glanced at Lenalee, "will know you're taken." Allen sighed.

"Thanks. I guess." Road smiled.

"I knew you didn't totally hate me!" She kissed him again. Then she unchained him and they sat down at the table where the feast was beginning. None of the exorcists had any kind of appetite, but after the Earl reminded them that they did not eat, they would not be freed from their curses. Grudgingly they ate their share.

When the feast was done, the exorcists felt a weight lifted off of them. They could look at each other once again without the fear of losing their minds. "Well, I guess that's it then." Smiled the Earl. "We played with you, and you feasted with us. Everything is right with the world."

"Something like that." Moaned Lavi.

"You should get going now." The Earl warned. "Before we decide to fight you." The exorcists stood up and prepared to leave. "Don't forget that." The Earl pointed to Kanda.

"Ew. I'm NOT touching that. It's disgusting." Allen announced. Krory picked up the sad body.

"Don't worry, I've got him."

"Goodbye, my dearest. I will miss you." Road whispered in Allen's ear. "I will watch out for you."

"Um… thanks. I will… see you around, I guess." They kissed quickly.

"Bye friends. We'll see each other again soon…" The Earl laughed and snapped his fingers, sending the exorcists back to their campground. Tykii walked back into the room.

"Earl, there was no leak. That guy just… Hey. Where did all the food go? Did you eat without me?" Road and the Earl laughed as they waltzed past him.

"Clean up this mess, Tykii. It's a disaster in here."

"I hate you both." He murmured and set to work cleaning up after the wedding celebration.


End file.
